Sunday, August 17, 2008

You feel strange? You feel alone and yet you like it? You feel you've done something wrong and yet see nothing wrong in it? You feel you don't care and yet there's a bit that's still attached -- that still wants to know? You feel that alcohol isn't doing you right, the j only smogs your thoughts and coffee tastes right after abstaining from it for a month? You feel like listening to songs that offer you different imagery each time? You feel you you can write but you don't have a story? You feel your lowest low but it doesn't end and you only wallow? You feel you only see contradictions and you feel you reflect it? You enjoy obscurity cause you realise nothing makes sense? If you do then tell me where to find a gun?
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It's over. You're lying on a road. You see a crowd of people around you. You think you can get up but you feel tired. You're hurting a bit and your silence is being understood as death. It was not your fault -- it wasn't anyones, really. Of course, you could say, that the Gods could argue about pre-determination and free will, but at this moment all that would make no difference. You know there are some seconds or a few minutes and even though you see someone trying to call the ambulance and the police -- you feel like telling them to leave you alone. To clear the road. You don't like people stepping on your pool of blood or cars going over your spilled brains. Besides it's for the first time you can see the skies open. You can see that the night is approaching and you can see reason. You've stopped feeling alone; you've stopped hearing people around you; you no longer breathe; but you can see everything slowly, clearly with every possible visual definition. You no longer want to be understood. You have nothing to argue. You see everything in it's most natural way and you accept it for being so. You don't have to turn around and tell anyone what you see because not only will it not make sense but it will make them feel pointless -- and they don't know because they themselves will so. You feel a bit lifted and then you see light. It feels like the universe was one big womb and now you're being pulled out if it. You don't know where you're going but you do know you've left something behind. Something you knew would happen, but you never really thought about it. Something you didn't plan to. It was a night which had no morning to follow. Nothing to plan or to do. It was only an end to a start.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great piece of writing jairaj. Flows v well.

10:09 PM, August 17, 2008  
Blogger jerry said...

thanks, anony? drop your name next time man, just skip mine.

2:39 PM, August 18, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, that conjured up a picture in my head. And I almost thought it was a ghost posting.

~ J

4:52 PM, August 18, 2008  
Blogger jerry said...

well i hope you liked it j. are you the j i know (aka joy?) or just a j...anything's cool really...

4:56 PM, August 18, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm not joy. the name is J.
which joy are you referring to? the noun or the verb?

5:33 PM, August 18, 2008  
Blogger jerry said...

the noun. i know a very nice person called joy. anyway...cya around!

6:11 PM, August 18, 2008  

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