To be honest with you, getting old worries me. On March stupid 7 I will be 21. Will soon be stepping out of college I had never attended. Now I know you sweet folks have done that and you might be tch-tching as you read this. But for me its quite worrying as I write this to you. The past 3 years have gone by quite quickly. But when I think of certain dates it reminds of endless hours. I wouldn't say they were too hard; but they weren't too easy as well.
Being the youngest in office wasn't easy. I had many frowning upon me thinking how long will this kid actually last here. All quite humbly believing that it will take a couple of months to get rid of me, but I sort of stuck around. I quite liked it actually. Being all that 30 when you're 20, smoking cigarettes and sipping sweet tea with them, talking all that Kafka to Stones. It's given a lot, I confess, sometimes wonder what I could've done with all that. Many assume amongst my age-lot that I've been fortunate. I can't for the life of me say I have not. I lucked out with time. I swear I've had hard times as well, its not easy to sustain all that pressure they overfeed you with a spoon that turns your intestines. But despite all that gray, black and white dressing, I realise that getting older is more about shaving twice as more often or appearing intelligent to lot that have read thrice as more with time.
Its pretty cool to see, over the years, older kids come knocking around the doors hoping to make a career out of print. I never even thought of it this way, I just put my head down and counted the tiles not wondering too much. It went pretty hunky-dory to guide and teach a few lessons, all that advice shit and see how they go over the drill that I learnt at 18. I can't boast that I learnt all those remarkable too fast. It took its own sweet time. I still find tears left in my eyes when I see that my stories hacked next mornings. After all they used to do that then as well, but I thought I had gotten a lot better. But that you really can't help, I suppose till you're an ed. There are still good and bad weeks. What happens if I lose it all?
I suppose the fears are concerning hopes and dreams that pile up, one peak there and you find 30 darn more one's to climb. It never seems to rest.
Now I'll have to start applying soon, as soon as college studying finishes. Wonder will I be able to pull it off, this work in the new impending age; or was it just enough remarkable that I could sustain all this then. Its a bit intimidating at the thought of it. The older you get the responsibilities pile up like shit man. Now since its a duty thing, you don't want to be a loser to run away from them.
And I thought getting older was cooler. That's a fucking paradox.